Here's a collection of portraits and short stories from people I met on my trips around the world. Thank you for tuning in and see you soon, bye bye!

Puerto Escondido, Oaxaca, Mexico. Summer 2020.

Have you heard of potassium chloride? Potassium is essential for your heart to pump. We have potassium in our body. But if you inject large amounts of potassium into your body, like 10 or 15cc for a person who’s 70 kilograms, it’s enough. If you inject it directly into the vein, you’re gonna die.

Your heart stops and it’ll be a cardiac arrest. 

I just knew ‘today is the day’ when I wanted to commit suicide. I was working in a hospital in Iran and I stole whatever I needed to make my attempt. 

100cc of potassium, and 10cc of sufentanil, a very strong painkiller that gives you apnea. It stops your breathing. I took an IV line with a needle made of plastic. I fixed it with tape, and injected the drug into my hand so it would go directly into my vein. 

I fell down, and after that, I could not remember anything. 

After three or four hours I woke up and saw my hand. I thought, o my god. It was black, dark, all the skin was dark and burned until a little above the tendons. It was deep, a very deep burn. 

You know what happened? When I fell down, the needle ripped out of my vein and all of the potassium went under my skin. I survived. And then the treatment process started. 

I had surgery two times. They opened the wound, and cleaned all the burns, and removed the dead skin. They could not do a skin graft. With a skin graft, you take the skin from another place on your body and you put it on your burned area. It only works if you have your muscles and stuff down there. I had nothing left. The skin couldn’t attach to anything.

So the only way to do it was like this: They opened the skin on my belly and just let my body repair itself. I had my hand inside of my body for a whole month. And after a month they cut my hand out. Very advanced technology.

I never like to say the scar is from an unsuccesful suicide. I tend to say it’s from a car crash, from a bike accident, or from hot oil or boiling water. Silly stuff. I sometimes think it’s boring for people to hear it, I sometimes think people don’t care.

Because I see nothing wrong with suicide. And it’s not that whoever attempts suicide or even has a succesful suicide is depressed, or weak or whatever you want to say or how to judge them. Because it’s not about that.

Sometimes it’s just inside of people, some people are born with these thoughts. My first suicidal thought was when I was nine. So this was within me, all the time. And as I became older I had the courage to take action.

Sometimes I feel like I will not die a natural death. I think sooner or later I’m going to do it again. If I would die like right now, I would be fine with that. I’m ready to die. I feel like it’s about the quality of your life.

Not about how long you live, but about how you live.